Marriage: Before and After

The relationship a couple has before marriage can greatly affect the couple after marriage. Both dating and marriage take work. Many different people could get along together in marriage, but it is during dating and courting that a person finds that person they want to spend the rest of their life with. Because many different people could potentially be a good marriage partner there is no such thing as "the one" or a soul mate." But once you are married that person becomes your soul mate. You love that person, you commit to that person, and you don't let anything come between your marriage.  So what things can a couple do before the marriage to help their relationship after the marriage. When dating and then courting couples should spend time together. You need to get to know each other and learn about each other. Recreation means to recreate and this is why it is so important for couples to go out and do many different types of activities together to "recreate" what it could feel like to be married. In my last post I talked about the know-quo and R.A.M. These are great tools to use when dating and courting.  After the courtship comes the engagement. This is a very important time for the couple as it is when the planning for the wedding and the beginnings of their married life together happens.There are many things at this time a couple can do during the engagement that will make for a great wedding but also for a wonderful beginning in their marriage. Critical Tasks of Early marriage 1. Couple needs to have clear boundaries. The best way for a couple to set these boundaries between their families and themselves is for the couple to make all the important decisions together for the wedding. The young couple making all the important decisions about their wedding lets the families know that the couple will let their families give them advice, but when it comes to the important things and decisions in marriage that is between the couple and the couple only. 2. Couples need to have open communication while planning their wedding. The female needs to include her fiancee in the wedding planning. He needs to know what is going on and have a say also. Throughout dating, courting, and engagement the couple develops their ability to communicate and trust each other with everything as they communicate openly.  3. Couples need to budget their resources together.Money problems can become a great stress between couples. Money is a big part of a wedding and throughout the rest of life. Couples want a nice wedding and they deserve to have the kind of wedding they want, but a wedding doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg. Have a budget that the two of you agree on and stick to that budget. There are always family and friends who are happy to help with finding decorations, borrowing things that were used in previous weddings, or maybe they know places or people who would negotiate prices. Just be sure to keep the clear boundaries between your fiancee and you and your family. Parents like to help there children with the weddings, especially the brides parents. Remember that one set of parents paying for much of the wedding could someday become a source of contention for a couple later in their marriage. The child of the set of parents who paid a lot for the wedding could feel they owe a debt to their parents for paying for their wedding. This could cause problems for the young couple as they try to determine what set of parents they should visit on holidays.  4. It is important for couples to have division of responsibility and also cooperation. Talking, working, and  learning about how to cooperate and what responsibilities the wife will have, the husband will have, and they will share before the wedding will help the marriage to flourish.  There are many more critical things a couple can do to help build a strong marriage. But no matter what a couple does to make their marriage wonderful trials and hard times will come. Already having skills like communication, cooperation, and boundaries in place will help a couple as they try to work through the hard times in their lives and marriage.  What are some things you and your spouse did to make your marriage wonderful? What are you and your fiancee or boyfriend doing now to prepare yourselves to have a flourishing relationship? I'd love to hear any thoughts about any of my post or questions you may have.