Families Are Forever

Hey everyone, today I wanted to explain a little bit about the title of my blog Families Through Eternity and why I chose this title.
I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, also known to many as Mormon. In my religion we believe that families can be together forever. When a worthy man and a women are married in our temples they are sealed together for time and all eternity. The couple has made a covenant (a sacred agreement between God and a person or a group of people) with each other and with God. When a couple is sealed together their martial bond will not end at "death do you part." Their bond will last forever. Their children are also sealed to the them allowing the whole family to be together forever.
I chose to name my blog Families Through Eternity because I know that I will be with my family for eternity because of the sealing ordinance that takes place in the temple. The temple is such an important place to me and my family. It is a sacred place that allows families to be eternal. As I have said before we lost my dad in 2009. That was the hardest thing I have had to go through in my life so in my life. But I know that my family is sealed together for eternity and that we will my dad again. I am so grateful that I am sealed to my family. I look forward to the day when I marry in the temple for time and all eternity. My future family, like my family now, will not end with death, but will truly be a Family Through Eternity.

If you would like to know more about my faith and what I believe here are two great sites to go look at...
http://www.lds.org/?lang=eng, http://mormon.org/

I would love to hear what your thoughts and beliefs are.

Marriage: Before and After

The relationship a couple has before marriage can greatly affect the couple after marriage. Both dating and marriage take work. Many different people could get along together in marriage, but it is during dating and courting that a person finds that person they want to spend the rest of their life with. Because many different people could potentially be a good marriage partner there is no such thing as "the one" or a soul mate." But once you are married that person becomes your soul mate. You love that person, you commit to that person, and you don't let anything come between your marriage.  So what things can a couple do before the marriage to help their relationship after the marriage. When dating and then courting couples should spend time together. You need to get to know each other and learn about each other. Recreation means to recreate and this is why it is so important for couples to go out and do many different types of activities together to "recreate" what it could feel like to be married. In my last post I talked about the know-quo and R.A.M. These are great tools to use when dating and courting.  After the courtship comes the engagement. This is a very important time for the couple as it is when the planning for the wedding and the beginnings of their married life together happens.There are many things at this time a couple can do during the engagement that will make for a great wedding but also for a wonderful beginning in their marriage. Critical Tasks of Early marriage 1. Couple needs to have clear boundaries. The best way for a couple to set these boundaries between their families and themselves is for the couple to make all the important decisions together for the wedding. The young couple making all the important decisions about their wedding lets the families know that the couple will let their families give them advice, but when it comes to the important things and decisions in marriage that is between the couple and the couple only. 2. Couples need to have open communication while planning their wedding. The female needs to include her fiancee in the wedding planning. He needs to know what is going on and have a say also. Throughout dating, courting, and engagement the couple develops their ability to communicate and trust each other with everything as they communicate openly.  3. Couples need to budget their resources together.Money problems can become a great stress between couples. Money is a big part of a wedding and throughout the rest of life. Couples want a nice wedding and they deserve to have the kind of wedding they want, but a wedding doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg. Have a budget that the two of you agree on and stick to that budget. There are always family and friends who are happy to help with finding decorations, borrowing things that were used in previous weddings, or maybe they know places or people who would negotiate prices. Just be sure to keep the clear boundaries between your fiancee and you and your family. Parents like to help there children with the weddings, especially the brides parents. Remember that one set of parents paying for much of the wedding could someday become a source of contention for a couple later in their marriage. The child of the set of parents who paid a lot for the wedding could feel they owe a debt to their parents for paying for their wedding. This could cause problems for the young couple as they try to determine what set of parents they should visit on holidays.  4. It is important for couples to have division of responsibility and also cooperation. Talking, working, and  learning about how to cooperate and what responsibilities the wife will have, the husband will have, and they will share before the wedding will help the marriage to flourish.  There are many more critical things a couple can do to help build a strong marriage. But no matter what a couple does to make their marriage wonderful trials and hard times will come. Already having skills like communication, cooperation, and boundaries in place will help a couple as they try to work through the hard times in their lives and marriage.  What are some things you and your spouse did to make your marriage wonderful? What are you and your fiancee or boyfriend doing now to prepare yourselves to have a flourishing relationship? I'd love to hear any thoughts about any of my post or questions you may have.

Dating to Marriage

How do people get to the point of marriage? There are three steps that come before marriage. 

1. Dating- a variety of activities with a variety of people.

2. Courtship- one on one with the person you want to marry. 

3. Engagement and lastly  

4. Marriage

Each step should take significant work. Often people seem to slide quickly between each of the steps and don't take the time to work on each stage of their relationship. Sometimes people even skip some steps or add other like cohabiting.   People think cohabiting is beneficial and can help prepare for marriage but often cohabiting puts the couples at a disadvantage and leads to a higher chance for divorce. Spending time in each of the three steps before marriage can lead to a better and stronger marriage.\

In class we talked about a wonderful book titled How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk by Dr. John Van Epp. In Van Epp's book he talks about the "Know-Quo." The Know-Quo is how well you know someone. The Know-Quo consist of...

Talk- mutual self disclosure

Time- a minimum of at least 3 months to begin to know some. He also suggested that dating for 1 to 2 years can provide for a more successful marriage. 

Togetherness- engaging in a wide range of activities together (doing activities that could parallel in marriage can help to determine how a couple will spend their togetherness in marriage)

Another of Van Epp's ideas that I love is R. A. M. or the Relationship Attachment Model. R. A. M.

   When forming a relationship with someone it is important to use this model. We start out getting to know someone, truly and deeply getting to know them. You need to know someone more then you trust them. Trust someone more then you rely on them. Rely on someone more then you commit to them. And lastly, commit to someone more then you touch them. Using this model is so important when dating or forming a relationship with people. As we get to know someone then other parts of the model will increase also to form a balanced relationship. On the other hand if we develop say trust before we know someone then our relationship can be thrown out of balance.

So why have we seen a decrease in dating? What keeps women and men from dating? I would love your input on these ideas about dating and these questions.