Family Through Time

What defines or makes a family?
A family is many things and has so many layers.

On the last day of class Brother Williams, my teacher, showed us a Piano Guys video and we had to relate it to the family. The song begins with a few simple notes and then continues to a beautiful complex movement. Eventually the music ends with simple yet more wisdom filled notes then when it began. Like a family that begins simple with just the young husband and wife it grows with a child then more children, then grand-kids,eventually ending back where it began with the couple, now older with the wisdom age brings.  

Enjoy and thanks for learning about the family with me!

  

What does this song mean for you? How is it an example of your family?

Saving Your Marriage

There is a plague in our society. That plague is divorce. I have had many friends and family who have been directly affected by divorce. Why is divorce so common? Statistics show that after two years of divorce, about 70 % of Americans believe that they made they wrong choice divorcing their ex-spouse and that they could have fixed their marriages. While 70% of divorced men are remarried within two years of their divorce.
I am not completely against divorce . There are cases when I feel the best choice was divorce, but in many cases divorce could have been avoided. Marriage takes work.
The following video is a wonderful doctrinal video about saving your marriage.

How do you and your spouse/family work to save your family/marriage?

Family Communication

“You can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still, it won't mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever.... connections are made with the heart, not the tongue.” 
― C. JoyBell C.

This is a cute quote I found about communication. I think that communication is important for a family. Parents and children are always communicating. For some reason sometimes it is very hard to communicate with those you love most. So how do families communicate? Different ways of communication work for different families. Their are no more important councils on Earth then with our families.
The following are suggestions from Marvin J. Ashton I found on LDS.org

1. A willingness to sacrifice. Be the kind of a family member who is willing to take time to be available. Develop the ability and self-discipline to think of other family members and their communication needs ahead of your own—a willingness to prepare for the moment—the sharing moment, the teaching moment. 

2. A willingness to set the stage. The location, setting, or circumstances should be comfortable, private, and conversation-conducive. Effective communications have been shared in a grove of trees, on the mount, by the sea, in family home evening, during a walk, in a car, during a vacation, a hospital visit, on the way to school, during the game. When the stage is set, we must be willing to let the other family member be front and center as we appropriately respond.

3. A willingness to listen. Listening is more than being quiet. Listening is much more than silence. Listening requires undivided attention. The time to listen is when someone needs to be heard. The time to deal with a person with a problem is when he has the problem. The time to listen is the time when our interest and love are vital to the one who seeks our ear, our heart, our help, and our empathy.

We should all increase our ability to ask comfortable questions, and then listen—intently, naturally. Listening is a tied-in part of loving. 

4. A willingness to vocalize feelings. How important it is to be willing to voice one’s thoughts and feelings. Yes, how important it is to be able to converse on the level of each family member. Too often we are inclined to let family members assume how we feel toward them. Often wrong conclusions are reached. Very often we could have performed better had we known how family members felt about us and what they expected.

5. A willingness to avoid judgment. Try to be understanding and not critical. Don’t display shock, alarm, or disgust with others’ comments or observations. Don’t react violently. Work within the framework of a person’s free agency. Convey the bright and optimistic approach. There is hope. There is a way back. There is a possibility for better understanding.

6. A willingness to maintain confidences. Be worthy of trust even in trivial questions and observations. Weighty questions and observations will only follow if we have been trustworthy with the trivial. Treat innermost trusts and concerns with respect. Build on deserved trust. Individuals who are blessed to have a relationship with someone to whom they can confidently talk and trust are fortunate indeed. Who is to say a family trust is not greater than a community trust?

7. A willingness to practice patience. Patience in communication is that certain ingredient of conduct we hope others will exhibit toward us when we fail to measure up. Our own patience is developed when we are patient with others.

For me communication is also very much about love for the other person. Remember while you communicate with family that you all love each other and be willing to work with each other.  

 

Importance of a Father

Fathers are vital to a family. "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families." -The Family: A Proclamation to the World 
Why are fathers so important in a family? Don't they just work at a job and not really spend much time with the children? 
Have you ever seen how a mother will usually orient their children in towards them to protect and shelter them from the world? A father usually orients his children out towards the world to prepare them to enter the outside world. 
When a mother is raising her children her daughters have an example of what they are to become and how to live. But a son? A mother can teach them kindness and love, work ethic and how to learn. But what about how to be a man? Who does the boy turn to for an example of being a man and father. If they don't have a father they can turn to a parents father, a grandfather, and brother but they are still missing a father. 
My father taught me what I should expect in a man when I grow up. He showed me that I can someday marry a man who loves me and will be my husband who can help give my children things that they need that I as a mother cannot give them. My dad was my protector. Children need both a mother and a father. Both genders have something that they offer their children that will help them become the best they can be when they grow up. 

Here is a cute video about the importance of fathers. 

I would love to hear your thoughts about fathers.

Families Are Forever

Hey everyone, today I wanted to explain a little bit about the title of my blog Families Through Eternity and why I chose this title.
I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, also known to many as Mormon. In my religion we believe that families can be together forever. When a worthy man and a women are married in our temples they are sealed together for time and all eternity. The couple has made a covenant (a sacred agreement between God and a person or a group of people) with each other and with God. When a couple is sealed together their martial bond will not end at "death do you part." Their bond will last forever. Their children are also sealed to the them allowing the whole family to be together forever.
I chose to name my blog Families Through Eternity because I know that I will be with my family for eternity because of the sealing ordinance that takes place in the temple. The temple is such an important place to me and my family. It is a sacred place that allows families to be eternal. As I have said before we lost my dad in 2009. That was the hardest thing I have had to go through in my life so in my life. But I know that my family is sealed together for eternity and that we will my dad again. I am so grateful that I am sealed to my family. I look forward to the day when I marry in the temple for time and all eternity. My future family, like my family now, will not end with death, but will truly be a Family Through Eternity.

If you would like to know more about my faith and what I believe here are two great sites to go look at...
http://www.lds.org/?lang=eng, http://mormon.org/

I would love to hear what your thoughts and beliefs are.

Marriage: Before and After

The relationship a couple has before marriage can greatly affect the couple after marriage. Both dating and marriage take work. Many different people could get along together in marriage, but it is during dating and courting that a person finds that person they want to spend the rest of their life with. Because many different people could potentially be a good marriage partner there is no such thing as "the one" or a soul mate." But once you are married that person becomes your soul mate. You love that person, you commit to that person, and you don't let anything come between your marriage.  So what things can a couple do before the marriage to help their relationship after the marriage. When dating and then courting couples should spend time together. You need to get to know each other and learn about each other. Recreation means to recreate and this is why it is so important for couples to go out and do many different types of activities together to "recreate" what it could feel like to be married. In my last post I talked about the know-quo and R.A.M. These are great tools to use when dating and courting.  After the courtship comes the engagement. This is a very important time for the couple as it is when the planning for the wedding and the beginnings of their married life together happens.There are many things at this time a couple can do during the engagement that will make for a great wedding but also for a wonderful beginning in their marriage. Critical Tasks of Early marriage 1. Couple needs to have clear boundaries. The best way for a couple to set these boundaries between their families and themselves is for the couple to make all the important decisions together for the wedding. The young couple making all the important decisions about their wedding lets the families know that the couple will let their families give them advice, but when it comes to the important things and decisions in marriage that is between the couple and the couple only. 2. Couples need to have open communication while planning their wedding. The female needs to include her fiancee in the wedding planning. He needs to know what is going on and have a say also. Throughout dating, courting, and engagement the couple develops their ability to communicate and trust each other with everything as they communicate openly.  3. Couples need to budget their resources together.Money problems can become a great stress between couples. Money is a big part of a wedding and throughout the rest of life. Couples want a nice wedding and they deserve to have the kind of wedding they want, but a wedding doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg. Have a budget that the two of you agree on and stick to that budget. There are always family and friends who are happy to help with finding decorations, borrowing things that were used in previous weddings, or maybe they know places or people who would negotiate prices. Just be sure to keep the clear boundaries between your fiancee and you and your family. Parents like to help there children with the weddings, especially the brides parents. Remember that one set of parents paying for much of the wedding could someday become a source of contention for a couple later in their marriage. The child of the set of parents who paid a lot for the wedding could feel they owe a debt to their parents for paying for their wedding. This could cause problems for the young couple as they try to determine what set of parents they should visit on holidays.  4. It is important for couples to have division of responsibility and also cooperation. Talking, working, and  learning about how to cooperate and what responsibilities the wife will have, the husband will have, and they will share before the wedding will help the marriage to flourish.  There are many more critical things a couple can do to help build a strong marriage. But no matter what a couple does to make their marriage wonderful trials and hard times will come. Already having skills like communication, cooperation, and boundaries in place will help a couple as they try to work through the hard times in their lives and marriage.  What are some things you and your spouse did to make your marriage wonderful? What are you and your fiancee or boyfriend doing now to prepare yourselves to have a flourishing relationship? I'd love to hear any thoughts about any of my post or questions you may have.

Dating to Marriage

How do people get to the point of marriage? There are three steps that come before marriage. 

1. Dating- a variety of activities with a variety of people.

2. Courtship- one on one with the person you want to marry. 

3. Engagement and lastly  

4. Marriage

Each step should take significant work. Often people seem to slide quickly between each of the steps and don't take the time to work on each stage of their relationship. Sometimes people even skip some steps or add other like cohabiting.   People think cohabiting is beneficial and can help prepare for marriage but often cohabiting puts the couples at a disadvantage and leads to a higher chance for divorce. Spending time in each of the three steps before marriage can lead to a better and stronger marriage.\

In class we talked about a wonderful book titled How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk by Dr. John Van Epp. In Van Epp's book he talks about the "Know-Quo." The Know-Quo is how well you know someone. The Know-Quo consist of...

Talk- mutual self disclosure

Time- a minimum of at least 3 months to begin to know some. He also suggested that dating for 1 to 2 years can provide for a more successful marriage. 

Togetherness- engaging in a wide range of activities together (doing activities that could parallel in marriage can help to determine how a couple will spend their togetherness in marriage)

Another of Van Epp's ideas that I love is R. A. M. or the Relationship Attachment Model. R. A. M.

   When forming a relationship with someone it is important to use this model. We start out getting to know someone, truly and deeply getting to know them. You need to know someone more then you trust them. Trust someone more then you rely on them. Rely on someone more then you commit to them. And lastly, commit to someone more then you touch them. Using this model is so important when dating or forming a relationship with people. As we get to know someone then other parts of the model will increase also to form a balanced relationship. On the other hand if we develop say trust before we know someone then our relationship can be thrown out of balance.

So why have we seen a decrease in dating? What keeps women and men from dating? I would love your input on these ideas about dating and these questions.   

   

  

Gender and the Family

This week we have been talking about gender and family life. I love this quote from President Gordon B. Hinckley that states; “In His grand design, when God first created man, He created a duality of the sexes. The ennobling expression of that duality is found in marriage. One individual is complementary to the other. As Paul stated, “Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Cor. 11:11)There is no other arrangement that meets the divine purposes of the Almighty. Man and woman are His creations. Their duality is His design. Their complementary relationships and functions are fundamental to His purposes. One is incomplete without the other.”  

Men and women have different tendencies and roles in this life but together they complete each other and can build a family of balance. Women are no less important than men and men no less important than women. Children depend on both parents to learn and grow. I love The Family: A Proclamation To The World when talking about marriage and gender. Proclamation to the World

What are your thoughts about how gender plays a role in family life? 

The Importance of a Mother

Mother Love
You can't define a mother's love:
It's faith and hope and power. 
It's wisdom and unselfishness,
Protection hour by hour. 

You can't define a mother's love:
It's prayers, true and sincere, 
It's tenderness and sympathy, 
A smile, a dream, a tear.

You can't define a mother's love: 
It's faith that never grows dim. 
And through a mother's love is found 
The path that leads to Him.
-Carice Williams

In our world today, not only is marriage and family under attack but the role of a mother is also under attack. Mothers have the most difficult and challenging job in the world. But, it is also one of the most joyful and rewarding jobs a women can aspire to have. A mother's work is never done. From the moment their first precious little baby is put into a mother's arms to the moment the mother dies she has a full time job. Mothers are protectors, they are the cooks, the nurse, and homemakers. A mother is a teacher of all subjects. A mother is love. Yes, being a mother is hard and tiring, but as your children grow you have gained the ultimate gift. Children are a mother's true legacy.  

Happy Mother's Day!

Myths About Marriage and Family

We, humans, are "social creatures." The need for relationships is an innate need even from birth. Children bond with their parents, as they grow they bond with other family and find friends. Relationships and intimacy lead to a higher well-being in people. We form bonds, friendships and relationships to fulfill our social need and to increase our well-being. "Studies show that the highest level of well-being occurs in those who are married" (Dush and Amato 2005; Soons and Liefbroer 2008).

In class this week, we have been taking about marriage and family life. What are myths about family life? How do the myths impact our marriages and family life?  So, why are myths so harmful? When we accept a myth as the truth we can be detracting from our quality of our lives. Myths can blind a person to realities and give false expectations in our marriages, families, and life. In short, myths can ruin a good marriage and family.

There are many challenges that challenge marriages and families and myths don't have to be one of those. When a couple and their family strengthens their relationships nothing can tear them down or break them apart.

Now the myths...

• Opposites attract

            Someone who is opposite you may seem exciting, they are something new, and all around attractive to you. Yet, will someone who is your complete opposite provide both a satisfying or lasting relationship? Maybe, but the more alike your are to someone, the more likely you are to be attracted to that individual and the higher your chances are of having a lasting and satisfying relationship with that person. Differences that seemed "cute" at first could become irritations, frustrations, and sources of conflict in day-to-day living later in a marriage. They could potentially destroy a marriage or family because you can't or won't accept them anymore.

•  People marry because they love each other

            The basis of this myth is that love is that is not the only reason or even the dominant reason why people marry each other. Think about when you got married. Yes you did love each other but there were many other reasons why you married your spouse.

• Having children increases marital satisfaction

            Having children is very important and can bring satisfaction into a marriage. Yet, children also bring about a lot of added stresses. Children are expensive, they require a lot of time and energy from the parents that they may not be able to give, and they cause a lack of sleep. They can put an emotional strain on the parents relationship that they don't have time to cultivate. But when parents come together to raise and care for their children, the marriage and family can be brought closer together and strengthened.

• A good sex life is the best predictor of marital satisfaction  

           Being sexually compatible and getting sexual fulfillment are important but that won't keep a marriage together by itself. Your marriage must be founded on deeper connections.

•   Happily married people don't have conflict            

            Wouldn't this be wonderful if there was no conflict? I use to think so too but a conflict doesn't always have to be a negative thing. Any close relationship or friendship has times of arguments, disagreements, strains, and conflict. So why should we expect a marriage to be any different? What matters is how the two of you decide to resolve the conflict. Working together to effectively solve the conflict can bring you together as a couple.

• Last for this small set of myths: Half of all marriages end in divorce      

            In general divorce rates are difficult to calculate. Even though the numbers are higher though doesn't mean that you have to let divorce affect your marriage. Many divorces happen over things that could have been fixed with some time and effort from both people in the marriage. With that said, sometimes divorce may be necessary for some but most of the time and effort can go a long way in a marriage. 

As couples work to strengthen their marriages and families nothing can tear them down or break them apart not even a misunderstood myth.

As you can see I didn't cover every myth we have learned in great detail but if you want to learn more about the myths of marriage and family later feel free to search around. It can be fun to research on your own and learn about your favorite myths and why they can be harmful when accepted as truth.

Hello everyone. So I kind of introduced myself in the about me section of my blog but I thought I would give a bit more background. I was born a raised in the lovely city of Pocatello Idaho in a loving and sometimes nutty family. I am the oldest of two. I have a younger sister who I absolutely adore. She is currently studying cosmetology. My mom has always been a stay at home mom who made her family her top priority. She has had many jobs that she could do, working from the home to keep her busy as we grew up. My dad worked for Idaho Power for almost as long as I could remember. He passed away in August of 2009 the week before my senior year of high school. He now watches us from Heaven. We have had so many pets throughout my childhood. Right now we have our dog, Ebony. He knows all my secrets and is the best listener when he isn't trying to eat your food or distract you with his toys. There is also Gizmo the furry chinchilla. He loves his treats and roaming around anywhere that is not his cage. That's just my immediate family, then I have my many aunts, uncles, grandparents, and we can't forget the cousins! My cousins are like extra siblings. We grew up together and they make my life interesting and complete. We are a family of nuts and monkeys that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world! My family has made me who I am today.

Here is a message about marriage from a talk I found at LDS.org that I absolutely love. This is a great talk that I would encourage everyone to read.http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2003/04/eternal-marriage?lang=eng&query=marriage,+f.+burton+howard Eternal Marriage: a talk by F. Burton Howard
"If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by."