Dating to Marriage

How do people get to the point of marriage? There are three steps that come before marriage. 

1. Dating- a variety of activities with a variety of people.

2. Courtship- one on one with the person you want to marry. 

3. Engagement and lastly  

4. Marriage

Each step should take significant work. Often people seem to slide quickly between each of the steps and don't take the time to work on each stage of their relationship. Sometimes people even skip some steps or add other like cohabiting.   People think cohabiting is beneficial and can help prepare for marriage but often cohabiting puts the couples at a disadvantage and leads to a higher chance for divorce. Spending time in each of the three steps before marriage can lead to a better and stronger marriage.\

In class we talked about a wonderful book titled How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk by Dr. John Van Epp. In Van Epp's book he talks about the "Know-Quo." The Know-Quo is how well you know someone. The Know-Quo consist of...

Talk- mutual self disclosure

Time- a minimum of at least 3 months to begin to know some. He also suggested that dating for 1 to 2 years can provide for a more successful marriage. 

Togetherness- engaging in a wide range of activities together (doing activities that could parallel in marriage can help to determine how a couple will spend their togetherness in marriage)

Another of Van Epp's ideas that I love is R. A. M. or the Relationship Attachment Model. R. A. M.

   When forming a relationship with someone it is important to use this model. We start out getting to know someone, truly and deeply getting to know them. You need to know someone more then you trust them. Trust someone more then you rely on them. Rely on someone more then you commit to them. And lastly, commit to someone more then you touch them. Using this model is so important when dating or forming a relationship with people. As we get to know someone then other parts of the model will increase also to form a balanced relationship. On the other hand if we develop say trust before we know someone then our relationship can be thrown out of balance.

So why have we seen a decrease in dating? What keeps women and men from dating? I would love your input on these ideas about dating and these questions.